There are times when I view my body in hateful ways. Thankfully I have never had an eating disorder and have never suffered from such a debilitating disease but it wouldn't be untrue that my relationship with food is not normal. I go through feelings of guilt and shame when it comes to food - many women do. I forget that my body is more than just my weight or size. I fear that I don't appreciate it to its fullest. For 31 years I have never once stopped to consider the real purpose of my body.
My body tells me what it needs. It's good at that. It reacts quickly and is connected to my emotions. When I feel sad, my whole body feels sad. When I am happy my whole body feels happy. It represents my emotions truthfully. It is animated. You are always able to tell how I'm feeling by how my body holds itself. I don't fake it. My body is very strong; stronger than I think. It outdoes itself. My body surprises me! it has aged well. My body is flexible. My body is capable.
I have run one half marathon in my life. I have attempted to run a second one. While training for the second half, I injured my knee and had to pull out of the race. Running was never the same. I started running again a few months later and noticed pain. I started going to physiotherapy to try to fix whatever happened to my body. I took the summer stretching and doing physio exercises. My body seemingly fixed itself. I now have the resources to counter my injuries if I start feeling the pain again. My body is resilient.
My body helps me recall my memories. It's incredible that memories are so deeply linked to scent. My memories are pleasurable. Exercise and the happiness that follows is supremely pleasurable. Waking up without an alarm on time is pleasurable. Floating on my back in the ocean is pleasurable and going for a run through the rain is pleasurable. These are the things my body does that brings me joy.
My ultimate goal for this year is to appreciate my body. It gets me from A to B and has lived some pretty amazing years. I forget the body is a gift. I am not disabled, I don't have any diseases, I can see, smell, hear, touch and taste - I am wonderfully average. I am healthy. I forget that the body is more than being feminine and beautiful. My body is the vehicle in which I am capable of doing many things. It allows me to run - to experience my surroundings. It is a physical expression of who I am, but it isn't everything. I am more than my body but my body brings me joy.